MY PAST

THE MAGIC TURTLE

 

The first story I ever wrote was inspired by the pet turtle I had when I was twelve years old. In the story, I was the young protagonist who rescued a turtle attempting to cross the street. Shortly after bringing him home, I discovered my little hard shell companion was magical when he lifted me out of my bed and carried me across the room with his mind.

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That's all I remember about the story. I loved drawing back then as well, and remember so vividly the little pencil-etched drawing I made of myself hovering over that turtle in my bedroom at my dad's house.

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I've been conceiving and writing stories since.

 

SEEING MYSELF IN MY STORIES

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In case you haven't pieced it together yet, I tend to write myself into my stories, often as the principal character.

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Oh, who am I kidding? I've written myself into every story.

 

That would be because the inspiration for every plot started with an experience I've lived—big or even menial. I never know when it's going to happen, but my imagination activates and thrusts me into a daring scenario or sends me on an odyssey. My mind blips into these alternate realities. I see scenes playing out and imagine how I would react to these extreme events—be it completely otherworldly or based in the real world.

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I've always leaned very heavily in the direction of sci-fi/action with most of my stories. I became a fan of the genre and its various iterations—action/adventure, fantasy, thriller—as well as martial arts action very early on. I was honestly too young to see half the movies I'd watched as a kid. Not my mother's failing...that's the babysitters' fault. I come from a time when the neighborhood teens were the sitters. Not these highly certified and professionally trained folk you find on Bambino today.

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I also come from a period when the heroes/heroines of that era's most groundbreaking films very infrequently looked like me. Back then, I wasn't consciously aware of this lack of representation—it was just the way things were—but I know now that this was exactly why I wrote myself into the stories I've crafted over the years. I needed to see myself in powerful roles that resembled the Ripley's and Sarah Connors of Blockbuster history.

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All the same, my love for the genre culminated in that first tale of the magical turtle and resulted in many other exciting tales to follow, including but not limited to The Elevator.

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INSIDE THE ELEVATOR

 

I'd written a ton of stories by the time I was in college and working a job, but The Elevator? I knew it was special when that very simple thought—dare I say vision—came to me 20 years ago.

 

It was a pleasant, albeit humdrum day at work following my lunch break. Walking the same routine, five days a week, I rode the elevator back up to the office. But on this particular day, it hit me suddenly and I could see it in my mind so vividly. The dark, dank elevator bank, the charred and broken marble flooring, the busted and dangling light fixtures, the cracked walls. And the eerie-ness of it excited me. What would I do? What would anyone do in a situation like that? What would the employees in the elevator with me do? Just some everyday office folk in their work clothes, heels and Oxfords, sipping the last of their lunch soda, their fingers loosely clutching the crinkled bag of their leftovers.

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I couldn't wait to sit down at my office computer and type out the little pieces of the scene I'd envisioned. I itched to explore what happens next, who it happens to—the whys, the hows.

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But, what I didn't anticipate was how long it would take me to fully realize the extent and even weight of this story. As eager as I was to write it, I know now that I wasn't ready back then to complete it. For whatever reason—still unknown to me—the seed had to be planted in my early twenties, but the time to finally give The Elevator its due was now in 2025.

 

I had three other major stories I'm passionate about in rotation with The Elevator. Not to mention the countless other concepts I flash-drafted in the process. But, this time, I bookmarked those stories, organized all my thoughts for those other worlds and then I committed myself entirely to the one. I gave my whole self to Monica, Jilisa, Sheena, Zoey, and the other beloved characters I've come to cherish so deeply in this epic tale.

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THE DREAM DERAILED, A PURPOSE REVIVED

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Those 20 years leading up to it were tough, however. My background is actually in music theatre. I was actively pursuing a path to Broadway. That was the dream. Next step in my life plan was going to be film acting. Big picture—writing, directing, and starring in my original films.

 

Writing often took a back seat to the grind of auditioning for and contracting with stage companies. I went as far as Japan to perform at Tokyo's DisneySea park, followed by a run on the Disney Wonder cruise line. While it was full-time work, I always gave my spare time to writing.

 

But, my booming music theatre career was cut short. Health issues made that long-running, live theatre life impossible. And ultimately, I had to walk away from music theatre altogether. It was like an athlete incurring a devastating injury and the life and career they were so clear about—over in an instant.

 

I was left feeling directionless. Lost. Depression definitely followed, hitting hard. And writing was one of my greatest comforts. I escaped into these worlds I'd created where I was strong and healthy, saving the world or overcoming impossible odds. It was indeed a salve during a period of endless doctor's visits, tests, procedures and surgeries.

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Once I was able to achieve a measure of stability with my health, I set out on a new journey with my new husband, Adam, as a duo indie band. We spent 7 years building our career together as musicians and gained some real successes along the way. But life as an independent artist was far more grueling than my previous career in performance and I found myself torn from writing—drawn further and further away from my creative self. Instead of writing every day on one of my many stories as I had in the past, my unfinished manuscripts were collecting digital dust.

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THE REBIRTH

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I didn't recognize it as it was unfolding, but I had grown disillusioned with the music biz and began feeling unfulfilled, despite how well things were going.

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Then it hit me somewhere around 2019 or so—I missed writing. Not just that. I realized I love writing more than I love singing. That was a huge revelation! Singing is like breathing for me. But—come to find out—writing is the blood pumping in my veins. I had shut off a piece of me that was integral in the name of being an effective businesswoman. But the business was the part I cared for the least. I just wanted to write songs, sing and dance, and write my stories. Instead, I found myself giving more time to drafting contracts, bookkeeping, scheduling rehearsals, driving insane hours cross-country for little to no pay. And it felt like only 10% of all that time and effort was actually spent on stage singing.

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And that, my friends, led to—you guessed it—burnout.

 

The final straw? Adam and I moved to our brand new home in Los Angeles, found out we were pregnant, birthed our glorious first child two days before COVID shut down the world, bringing the last remaining thread of our music career to a screeching halt. I was resolved, finally, to stepping away from the music/performance life completely.

 

Parenthood is an astonishing gift. Bringing in new life causes you to see the world and your own life with fresher eyes. As your mind races daily on ways to ensure a safe and flourishing future for your child, that effort starts to turn itself around and glare back at you. Those two years in the quiet of our apartment, watching every second of our daughter's development brought a clarity I couldn't have fathomed. I thought I knew myself well, but that time revealed to me I had so much to learn...and heal.

 

As if re-meeting myself, I settled more clearly into who I am and what I want out of this crazy life. I still wanted to be Kizzie, the singer, but I needed to be Nell, the whole human being, who has a passion for Writing, Singing, Dancing, Acting, Video Editing & Graphic Design—my full creative self. 

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THE SHIFT

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I didn't want to just return to writing. I wanted to finish my stories and publish them. Mentally, I wrestled quite a bit with the idea of making such a sharp turn in my career this late in life, but I leaned on the peace I felt in my spirit about it and chose to trust the journey ahead. Deep down, I knew the path was right. It was my purpose and I needed to unbury it now.

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Still, it was slow-going. Child-rearing in the pandemic was no easy feat, but I guess we felt we needed more of a challenge, because we welcomed our second wondrous little one into the mix. It was only then that I decided to buckle down and finish my book. Life is one big huckleberry hoot!​​

 

Writing this book set me on a profound journey of introspection. I'll never be able to fully recount it—even if I wrote a book.

 

I was just trying to tell an exciting story. But, it became so much more than that—something so much deeper. This story has been a powerful awakening, a spiritual rejuvenation, a pathway to greater self-discovery...and man have I learned a lot of stuff! I can tell you right now, I didn't know a thing about pilots, the Marines, triaging patients, Hydro-gardening, or repairing and maintaining an entire military base facility. But, good glory, that is the magic of writing (and reading)—it expands your knowledge and your understanding of the world. And if you do it right, storytelling can be a powerful means to realizing the greatest depths of our capacity for resilience, love, and faith.

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I'm forever changed by this story.

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The Elevator has been a true gift to me. And I pray that soon (upon its release) this book will be that for you.